A personal belief

I have felt Susan Tutles truths pretty much sais it all.
I am all for her Truths!
I believe Susan is a good example of how to use and cherish a life!

But... I have not been quite content for my own part.
I have been carrying around this little treasured piece
that I have not understood how to handle -
where to place.
The little piece has not let go of me
it has kept nagging for my attention.
I have longed for getting a place for it.
Longed for pease.

I believe in the good.
I believe in something caring for me.
I believe in something carrying me
when I have no strength.
And I believe most of us do feel this - this loving power.

What more do I need to know??

I call what I believe in - God.
(Well, I call it him too... although that term is not important to me)

He is big as universe
He is eternal - with no end.
He just is!

He has reached out his arms.
I can rest in them safe as a little baby.

I believe in no end
allthough I know
that we will leave our bodies at one point
and we will leave time.

I have found the place for my little piece now!
It is my personal belief that my door to eternity
will be held open by Jesus Christ
as I pass through it saying "Thank you".
(My personal belief is that nothing else can open it)

There are a million things
I don´t understand
nor can figure out.
But it doesn´t matter anymore.
I won´t worry about it.

I´ll hold on to my personal belief in my "dooropener"
and will rest in that.

I ambrace all the beautiful, sparkling truths
and will leave all that comfuses me for now...

Like a bud longing to bloom am I.
Longing to create without all these paralysing worries.
So much beauty inside that hurts and scream and long to get out into the blue sky.

I want to go to that place
where the sky is blue
where I can walk barefooted with my brushes.

I want to work.
I want to do my thing.
I want to drink beauty and deliver beauty.
I can not live here.

I´ld love to hold on to the dream of That House...

God,
Please make me a strong, patient, fun and inspiering
tender, interrested, kind and (at most times) sweet mother!

Yours tuly,
Olga

parents I admire:
>> Joel in Portland, OR, USA
>> Alix in London, Great Brittain
>> Magdalena och Daniel in Nairobi, Kenya (but who soon will be in Stockholm)
>> Hans - my man - Noaks father,right here at home with me in Stockholm, Sweden

I am happy
because today I discovered
I have flowers
under my newly bought boots.

And because
I had lovely Sunna over for tea.
Because she said
I was welcome to her place
close to the ocean in Turkey
if I wanted.
They grow tomatoes
and vegtables in her garden there.

I am happy now because
today I have been painting
a little portrait of my son.
It is laying in the freezer
that it won´t dry
until next time I´ll paint on it.

This picture shows
me years ago
holding a portrait of little Albin.
His parents commissioned it
and gave it to his grandmother.

Focusing.

If I do focus
all will be fine.
If I am not tired that is.

I know how to do it.
I know that I need it.

But never the less,
I so often find my mind
wandering away...

so many things it
wants to look into
to check out
to try.

This
and
that.

And when I do not
do the most importrant thing -
FOCUSING
nothing but chaos will follow...

Anyone know what I am talking about?

Also, I want to add -
I am generally blessed with
good sleap.
I easily fall asleap.
I sleap well at nights.

But for the for last four nights
as Noak has been a little
sick in his nose and throught
my sleep has been affected.

Now Hans is out walking Noak to sleap
while I catch my breath
and get myself together.

All will be well!

I am painting a dress with white flowers.


Different
Having grown up in the country in a house,
this living in an apartment still feels strange to me.
In an apartment you need another discipline
with your things.
Since the space is limited,
you can not keep buying things,
or you can not keep saving things.
I understand these things.

Making space
We needed to make room
1. in our storage in the basement for our bikes.
2. We still need to make room
for Noak and ONLY Noak
in the crowded little room up here in our home.
3. And we needed to create space and order in our closet.

Grrrr!
So... in the last few days
we have been getting rid of things.
This is very emotional for me.
A weak spot.
I loose my temper,
get really frustrated - and even angry!
I get angry when my man wants to
throw things away and I think;
-"This thing was expensive buying and it is very BAD economy throwing it away. We ought to sell it! (or give it to someone we know that would appreaciate it)"
-"This could be useful for someboby else, we ought not to throw it, but to give it away."
-"I can not use this now (no space)
but I like (maybe even LOVE) it,
and this is not just any thing, that you could go out and buy again.
And these things that are so dear to me can often be very tough to explain
why they are. But believe me they are!!!"

I like!
I like space and light
so that I can breath and think.

I love being surounded by beautiful things.
-And things that tell stories,
things that I feel connected with and rooted in.

I feel confortable in a creative and personal-looking home.
(Love how creative people
find second uses of old things!
My mother has always been doing
lovely things from things
she´s found or that has been thrown away)

I love finding the right spot in the home
for a certain an item,
a place that looks as though it was meant for it.

I´ld like to have order in my home;
If everything in the home had it´s place
and all familymembers knew, enjoyed and respeced those places
it would be nice - it would save lots of time.
It would also look so much better...

Dislike
I very much dislike vaste of time,
of things and resorses.
I very much dislike uglyness
and short term thinking,
when people don´t plan.
When people don´t know what they want...
most things they purchase turn out wrong,
do not fit.
Things that do not fit are ugly.
They just contribute to a huge, unconfortable MESS.

Attic
I do BELIEVE that
things I have no use of at the moment
can very well be useful later on...
(I used to find Mothers clothes from the fifties
in the attic when I was a teenager
and wear them with great joy.)
Things that you let rest for a while
become like new!
Yes I love attics and therefor - also -
I am in a desperate need of a house!



It is possible I may keep writing on this post to make it clearer and more complete.

I, Olga have lots of friendly folks around me
but miss a soul-friend
that I may just easily pop over to at any time.
Or who could come knocking at my door.
A friend with whom I could have these kinds of conversations.
I have three good telephone-friends
that are good listeners
and who would make great pop-over-to-friends
if only they lived closer.

I have moved too many times in my life
wich has forced me to make new friends
over and over.
It is fun to make new friends but... tiering too.
Maybe it has made me num in a way
so that I can´t receive or return the friendships
I am being offered by people from time to time...
I hope I´m wrong.

When I get that house
that will be our home
it is going to be a house
full of light, life, friends and laughter!

P.S. Read Thoughts on Friendship here

In the eighties I made black and white pictures.
I also had a periode there of slides
and of making slideshows...

I have had not so fun periodes in the nineties
taking "color snapshots".

For the passed two and a half years
it´s been digital.
Color.

Today when I was out walking
I all of a sudden
saw the world through my old
"black and white eyes".
it was a pleasant experience.
You look at everything very differently
when you think black and white.

I am not fast, so to speak, when it comes to deciscions
...or very good at buying new things, for that mather.
But sometimes it happens that I do need sertain things.
I am very pleased and proud of myself
that I´ve found a solution how to handle this...

So if I need something I decide;
next time I get a new comisson (money) I´ll get it.
And until that comission comes
I have time to do the research that is needed to get the right thing.

I did like this when I got my camera.
I did like this when I got good light (today) in my studio.

I was about to buy armatures for the light-tubes...
Then, the other day, I was quite lucky,
when we were out walking Noak and I;
I found the perfect armatures for the purpose.
(looking alot better than the ones in the shop I had seen.)
They (and maybe 70 more of them, worth maybe 200 euro each)
had been thrown away at a school very, very close to here.

Today the nice electrician came
and got the lamps (PHILIPS 36W color:650) shining
B E A U T I F U L L Y in the sealing.
Now I could even paint in the night if I´ld like.

And the comission?
Painting the former mayor (landshövding) of the Blekinge county.

Does it ever happen to you that you sit up too late at night and surf around,
searching for something you don´t know what. (killing precious time)
And if you pay attention to how you feel you realize you don´t feel your best, so to say...
This happened to me last night. This has happened to me MANY late evenings.

I finished reading a book the other night. Those evenings I read that book
(and didn´t turn on the computer) I was filled with interreting thoughts and joy. And life.


See here! I found this old blue "note-book" of mine wich I got YEARS ago from a friend.
A notebook I used during some years to write about things happening in my garden
(I had a garden in the 90´s). Then the book was abandoned for some years
with still many blank pages remaining to be written.
Now is the perfect moment to keep writing in it -
writing about things that the book I just read in makes my mind talk about.
See how well the books sute eachther? Almoust the same format. A little gold in the covers.
They are like made for eachother was my thought!

I write in my old "note-book" about my desires. About things I am greatful for... Sorting things out. Eventually I believe I will find the place, the home, the house and the garden I long for.
And eventually I will close the blue notebook by writing new pages from my new garden!

Right before Christmas I had a request of painting three portraits.
Nothing set yet. Just a request. I´m not the only one being asked,
but I am "in the game". And if I get that commission
I´ll have paintings at my easel lasting me a year!!
So I was very happy for the request!

And today I am happy for another request;
An English-speaking newly-wed gentleman called my cellphone earlier today.
Wanted a portrait of his wife and himself.
Wished to make an appointment with me...
Nothing set there eather ...yet.

But what is cool about this is that in 2006 - all of a sudden,
I started getting commissionsregularely.
And several times it has happened that
just as I am aout to finish with one portrait the next job has turned up.
This is happening again; in just a few days
I will have my present portrait framed.
After that I have one other good job.
But it doesn´t hurt at all to have two or three jobs at the same time
to alter with...

Would do you think of my motto?

It´s NOT happened once or twice...

...but a number of times.
When I have been about to
call Hans on my cellphone
HE has called ME.
We have not called eachother
in the same second.
Not in the same half of a second.
But in the very same microsecond.
And it keeps happening!

the TILE

Ususally when something break

I tell myself; "Dont griev! it´s just a material thing."

It usually works.
But this morning

when my Catalunian tile broke

I got sad.

Long time ago

I spent five months in Catalunya, Spain.

I often took a walk to a ruin close by

that had the most breathtaking view

of the hills and fields...

I loved the place!

This tile I picked up there.
As a good memory

Now it is broken.

Yes, it was just a material thing.

But this tile was really dear to me...



Now, isn´t the blue paper beautiful??
See more at www.limohandtryck.se/