Emotions
This summer has been - and still is full of emotions.
And when I have the possibility I´ll sit down and write about it all;
about our "fleemarket", the photography, my friend Anna, my dear mother, about the house where I grew up...
There is much to tell.

We sold things for three weeks
and the house was once again filled with
life, laughter and talking people.
Those three weeks were like a long happy feast!
( This is by the way the greatest idea: a mobile vintage & retro shop. )

And when I was on my way back to Stockholm
sitting on the subway
aproaching
our suburb...
I bursted into tears
feeling like a homeless refugee...

. . . . . . . . . . . .

These are the people tha are to take over Toreskog.
They are perfect for the purpose
and I wish them well and that
Toreskog will be a happy home to them!

And I whisper

The sun has been
lightening up my soul
and warming our land
for many, many days.

I sit at the table
with a sence of
contentment and peace
and with a sense of quiet excitement
that softly fills my body.

The trees are turning green.
In the evening the children play in the garden.

And I whisper thankyou
to the one who gives life.

Life and Death

Today is the day my aunt was born
many, many years ago...
I will call her a bit later.

My eyes are wet.
My heart is peaceful.

So much life and death.

This month, last year my Father
passed away peacefully at home
with my Mother and my little brother
close to him.

My dear friend in this house has a
new little life growing in her womb!
And I have the honor and joy
to follow her to hospital
to be at her side
and see this little growing life on the monitor
waving its legs and arms
and to see its preacious little heart pump!

(Also in this entrance where we live -
on second floor
is little Emma, Annies newborn sister.
She was borned one week earlier than Ewan...)

There is much life and death now.

My dear Annika lost her Mother
three days ago.
Abby lost her grandmother
and my oldest brother has lost his wife.
Jenny and Josef lost their daughter.

Wenke never came to bed and
in the Sunday morning
my brother found her dead
in the stairs.
This is so sad. So utterly sad.


. . .



I have been praying in agony
for little baby Ewan
(just as so many others have).
A loved child who briefly came to this earth
for his mother and father to hold.
He was here for his parents
to look into his eyes for two weeks.
(I believe he was here for countless good reasons)
Then he closed his eyes,
left his body laying in the arms of his Mother
and went to heaven!

I am greatful to his Mother
for her streangth and kindness
in midst of her pain
that she was able
to share Ewan life and battle
with us at www.team-ewan.com
I just read how she
together with the closest
took farewell of him
and as I cried reading it -
I felt so much peace !


. . .



I will now go to my studio
where a candle is lit for my sister in law
and continue painting the portrait
of a beloved wife
who passed away this spring.

She has a kind, peaceful smile
that will help her man and daughters
always to be greatful for
having been tied together in love.

Dear God, help me understand what is important in life before it is too late!
...and by the way God, is there a "too late?"

Welcome back, Uschi
from where ever you´ve been.
Hoping you´ve been well
and that you still are!

HELLO Marie-Louise,
Ingrid,
Roberta
Mansuetude
Hello to all of you
kind and sweet "blog-friends".

Life is so strange. Don´t you agree?
This would be the perfect moment to begin a book.
It would be a thriller.
I have no idea what it would say in it.
But it would be about someone
on the border to being bancrupt
who is a month from having no savings left.
But it would end happily.
That´s all I know.

Life is strange.
Before this wonderful summer
I was CONVINCED
I would have a commission to work at
starting in August.
Of that became nothing.

I have no income to expect.
(OK, I have an income
to keep us going for two weeks
coming up
to be reall frank with you.)
But still - ofcourse I keep having expenses.

I applied for a couple of jobs yesterday.

I am NOT the one in charge of my life.
You are not in charge of yours.
The only thing I feel certain about
is that somehow I am in good hands!

I delivered a little girlsportrait last Friday.
I begun her brothers portrait today.
It will be beautiful.
He has curls.


Pictures here for you.

My friend - lets call her Makaka -
came to my birthdayparty
that was celebrated on the floor
around a nicely set blue tableclough.
Makaka gave me a big towel
with the number 22 sewn on it.

And I begged her
that she would give me a towel
everytime I´ld turn a double-number.

Eleven years later I got a towel
with the number 33 sewn on to it.

Yesterday was not a perfect birthday
(sorry for complaining)
No towel turned up...

------------------------------------

The day before yesterday
was like a fairytale!

Noak and I went with Ingrid to her church...
We walked home together
in the warm, comfortable weather...
She invited us for lunch in her flowergarden.

Yammy sallad.
Nice company.
Sunshine.

Noak walked in and out the house.
Ingrid and he had a secret
they toled me...

My man called and came over too.

After lunch
Ingrid put a scarf around my eyes
so I couldn´t see anything
and Noak led me gently
in through the house
and out into the shade
at the other side.

Ingrid took of the scarf
and they all started to sing
"Ja må hon leva..."

In front of me
was a BEAUTIFUL table
dressed in a white linen clough.
It had old birthday cups - golden and white -
from Ingrids grandmother Hilma,
There were roses,
something good to eat
- still the same good company
There was a gift and a card...

I received notebook!

(I don´t think I had toled Ingrid
how much I lately had come to LOVE
a reall notebook
and a nice pen to go with it.)

So it is.

I love my pen and notebook
even more than my laptop
these days!



--------------------------------



And
today
I got a towel
from Makaka
with "Olga 44" written on it!



--------------- P.S. ---------------
Vote for Maria :: in this competition!

The day after tomorrow will become tomorrow
tomorrow will become today.

Like pearls on a torn necklace the days are rolling.
Throw yourself to the ground and look for them
you won't find them any more.

Today will become yesterday
and yesterday will become the day before yesterday,
don't let it happen!
Catch today!

Ilse Aichinger

Oh the joy of being present!
Being able to be present is a gift.
Or is it a skill?

Tell me Susan! Tell me EB! Tell me whoever knows the secret!

In images an words
I can easily make it appear
as though I have been present.
But do not trust me!
I am making up an image of a life
I have seen
and that I would like to feel!

Oh the joy of being present!





The lovely walk

Ingrid called me the other day
wondered if I wished to take a walk with her.

The afternoon was lovely.
I couldn´t ask for better company...

We reached Hästa gård
- an old house in a friendly old garden

And there we sat down in the grass
surrounded by flowers.
We talked as the hens walked around us
and Noak played happily
in the perfect summer afternoon.

It was quiet and peaseful.
We were alone.

As I think of it now
the memory is a gem.

But as I sat there
I was like in a bubble.
I saw and understood how perfect everything was out there.
But couldn´t sense it from where I was - inside my bubble.

Have you ever been trapped in a bubble
when all you wished for was to be there
present
with all your open senses?



Here is a link to when we discovered this place for the first time.

Good evening!
Once in America
a friend was generous to give me

a "Fashionshoot" of myself.

They painted my face,
made my hair
and lent me clothes to wear.

People said WOW
as they saw the picture.
People said I should
paint my face like that.
Do my hair like that.
Dress like that.

But the person on that
"lovely" picture
was not me.
Just my face lent to others.


The Olga you see above
is me.
The best of me.
When I like myself.

Frida, an art-interrested
and very gifted young lady
took the picture
above (and below)
after I had taken
some of her
here in my kitchen.

And believe me -
I am NOT easy to fech
looking "sane" ;-)

It is my wish to,
like Frida
be able to capture pictures
of people in this spirit.

The facric behind is bought
for photography-purpose.

It´s been twentythree years
since I was twentyone.
One of my dear friends
at that time,
where I was in Spain,
was Jacqui from New Zealand.
Today I got a mail from her!

Reconecting with old friends
is like travelling in a timemachine.
On the picture above
you may with help of a facelift
see what I looked like then (!)

happy easter
from Noak and me

/Olga

A very special foot


My dad was home alone one day
with his brother Erik
as they saw their neighbours cow
that had come loose
in the vegetablegarden...

My dad didn´t see the rake
that laid there hidden in the tall grass
as they run out to fech the cow.

A stick of the rake went through my Dads bare little foot.




Some days later the Magnussons at Rudskogen
had a visitor Theodor Lundberg, who saw and thought
the vound through the foot
looked really ugly
and recomended that my dad
ought to visit the hospital.

So it happened that my dad
came to town for the first time in his young life.
So it happened that little Gunnar got hospitilazed.




Every Monday his dad would come to see him
as he was in town for buisness
(selling ladders and flag-poles)

He was three years old at the time
and Gunnar still remembers how
he once tried to hide his fathers cap
hoping to make him stay with him.
Hoping his Father wouldn´t leave him.




Three months later
it was Christmas
and little Gunnar returned home
to his mother and his family...

On this picture you can
see my three year old son holding
my Dads foot.
And you still see the hole
the rake caused it
83 years ago.

going to That House

We lived in Arvika before.
Came here summer 2004
after lots of tears and fear of the big city.

In the passed days my man
has put up his recordingstudio
that was kept in boxes
ever since our move to Stockholm.

It is much more crowded/cluttered now
in our little apartment with all these gears
but believe me (in spite of that)
it feels so right and GOOD.

Yesterday a Kristina
with a very good voice/personality
recorded one song.
Today my man finished it.

And I feel:
we are one step closer to That House!

Because... not sure I´ve said this -
the dream I strive for; That House,
is actually a beautiful dress of a beautiful life.
I like to believe that once that that special life is a reality
the beautiful dress for it will somehow become reall as well.

And this is the life that is to fill That House;
"A creative and warm atmosphere with lots of things going on. Many people are spontaniously coming over just to be. I do not need to act the good hostess, because I am not. They are all WELCOME to hang around and share our life. We make music, photography, painting and much more. And we will be good at it. That House helps us become good at what we are doing. We will not have to worry, nor even think of finances. Somehow that takes care of itself. That house is full of life, light and beauty. Peace and activity."

Brittas summer

The other day I visited my old Britta.
She toled me about
how wonderful her summer had been...
(At my previous visit she also mentioned
how great her summer was)

Britta was in England waching sheep.
She had been so happy there and singing all day
(although she says she can not sing)
She had come there on a big, big ferry.
It was wonderful!

I listened.


Then I toled her it is March now
we are approaching spring.
She has been in hospital
where she was in good hands
Britta had been content there.

During the last passed weeks
Britta have aged extremely much.

I toled her: "So in reall world you have not been to England".

"So I live in two worlds" she responded, smiling
She was very well understanding what I was telling her.

"Your summer in England feels very reall, doesn´t it?"
"Oh yes, very, very, very reall!"


Britta - November 13, 2007
Britta - December 13, 2007
Britta - February 13, 2008
Britta - April 24, 2008
Britta - June 17, 2008

I met a beautiful man today.
His and his wifes home was full of love. I could feel it. He dreamt about her last night.

I said "you miss her terribly, don´t you?".

His yes was strong. His mourning was strong, painful, yet full of beauty and dignity. And thankfulnes for the 53 years they had shared before she passed away midsummer last year.

I have seen other old ones miss their mates. Mournings - also strong and painful - but with selfpitty, bitterness...

One day, if I am the one to survive my love, I wished I could mourn as beautiful as this man.

Noak was born at 02.47
on Fathers- day
(nov- ember 13th three years ago)

It was close that he got up of bed too early in the morning. We made him stay a little longer as I got the birthday tray (prepared the night before) and Hans got the guitarr. We sung and he enjoyed. A candle. Two little gifts. A little, little cup of orangejuice. Then we all went out in the kitchen. "OH, HOW BEAUTIFUL!" he shouted. Flowers and baloons for our little prince. And he said happily; "I am three years old now - I made it!"

In his kindergaren they know how to celebrate in the most beautiful way. He brought the birthday-basket with him home with a little cat, stiched by his teacher Osanna. Roses. Some sweet bread good for tea. etc... all wrapped in silcpaper in colornuances choosen with great care.

On the way home Hans and Noak picked up grandma at the railroadstation in Sundbyberg. The party was at six. Uncle Göran. Old, dear Elisabeth (neighbour). We sat down at the carpet. Sung AGAIN. Unwrapped gifts. Then cake with three orange little candles.

Then the day was over :-)

With these pictures
I want to wish
Susanna Gordon
and all other Americans
- living and dead -
a happy halloween.

On this bluish picture
is my mothers
mothers mothers
mother; Fredrika and I.











They say that people live on as long as they live in someones heart... Moster Ingeborg lives!

In December last year,
our nextdoor neighbour Britta
walked out of her apartment.

Yesterday we got new neighbours!
Selma has lived her last twenty years
in Karlstad,
the town where I lived
my first twenty years.
Selmas first twenty years she lived in Turkey.

I had wished so for a family
to move in next to us,
that had little children
suitable for Noak to play with.
I had wished so for kind folks...

Guess what!
Selma has a little boy - just like Noak!
His name is Nilam.

It will be so exciting getting to know the two!

Today I had a nice talk
with this little dog named Rudger.
I toled him about the dog I used to love - Azimuth.
I toled him how Azimuth sat on my lap
on the kitchenfloor every morning
as I sung him songs.
I toled Rudger about our walks in the mountains...

Ingeborg

Her father was a gardener
her brother Bror as well.
Bror got a prize from
the KING for a rose (named H55)
he cultivated.
Ingeborg painted beautiful paintings.
She painted flowers.

When I grew up
I felt a connection with her.
I admired her.

I never met her,
my grandmothers sister.
I am carrying her neclace
around my neck.

My Mother is sitting on the train in this minute.
It must have been like twenty years
since last time she was on a train.

We will have three good days here in Stockholm
visiting beautiful sights and museums.
(Museum of Modern Art and the Thielska gallery)
Visiting Noaks kindergarden
and seeing Noaks room
for the first time.

Time flies. It´s been one year and a half
since she was here last time.
We go to visit them instead
beacause it is easier for them...

I am excited. And guess who else is -
yes, that´s right NOAK is!


grandma telling stories

Among many other things today I took pictures of the danser Tanja Tuurala

It is Görans Birthday today!
My brother (Owe) was 50 yesterday.
My mans brother (Göran) was 50 today.
My friend Ingrid (from long ago) will be 50
on my birthday, the day after tomorrow.
I don´t know how old my friends
Betulia, Linn, Karin and Doreen
will be on my and Ingrids birthdays.
Noak is invited for Noels birthday on my birthday.
When is your birthday?
I wished for the books
"awakening to a new earth"
and "Eat, Pray, Love"
from my Love
for my birthday.

I´d say the day´s been good.

It´s been one of those blessed days
when many ideas
have popped up in my head...

Ideas that feel constructive, doable and good.

Ideas that make life feel
like it´s filled with
endless possibilities!

Hope your day was good too!